Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
