First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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