She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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