I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
