For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize