I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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