This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
