All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize