He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
