I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
