I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize