I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
