last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
