Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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