I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
