Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
