I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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