All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
