i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
