I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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