I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
