You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
