i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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