I think my fart just growled at me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
