turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
