I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize