I faked an abortion last night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
