Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
