Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
