Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
