did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
