She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
