sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize