Pants 0. Shit 1.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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