Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
