What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize