i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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