If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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