He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
