wakey wakey hands off snakey
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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