Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
