I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
