I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
