woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
