you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
A+ Viking dick
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
