friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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