She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
