I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
