just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
operation have a gay friend backfired
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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