what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
