He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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