Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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