I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
