when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Drunk is not a location!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
