apparently the secret to your success is patron
Actions speak louder than pants.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
