Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
