My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
