My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
