the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
