I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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