I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
