I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
