i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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