is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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