I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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