i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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