I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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