I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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