We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
