On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
