You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
