Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
