I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
