I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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