Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
