so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
