The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
