Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
How's work?
Spinning.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
