I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
