I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize