Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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