no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
there was a trapeze. enough said
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
