You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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