WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
