the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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