"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
operation harelip BJ is a go
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
