he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
