At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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