i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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