If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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