i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
