You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
