I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
