Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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