Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
