She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
