If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize