I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
