I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
