His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
