I think i sorta joined a cult last night
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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